Violence/Gore: Not too excessive for a Hammer horror movie. There’s a bit of blood, some gruesome aging effects that are pretty effective, and a fleeting glimpse of a severed arm.

Sex/Nudity: Caroline Munro’s seeming nudity is cleverly hidden in shadow, and the rest of the risque content is couched in metaphor or suggestive dialogue, from some apparent rough sex to the usual Hammer metaphor of puritanical English types impaling women with phallic wooden stakes. Ouch.

Best Line: “What he doesn’t know about vampirism wouldn’t fill a flea’s codpiece.”

Score:

In the sleepy English countryside, where families huddle close in small cottages and cleave to their mutual faith in God and the security of England, an evil scourge is at work in the forests, attacking buxom young girls and draining them of their life force. The innocent ladies assaulted by this vampiric monster are left unnaturally aged and with blood on their lips. This looks like a job for…no, not Van Helsing, but Captain Kronos, Vampire Hunter!

Late of the Imperial Guard, Kronos is a mysterious, chiseled blond presence who travels with a hunchbacked sidekick named Professor Grost and a newly acquired female companion, Carla, played by ’70s genre pinup Caroline Munro (of THE SPY WHO LOVED ME, STELLA STARCRASH, and THE GOLDEN VOYAGE OF SINBAD). Kronos is actually a pretty cool guy - he’s damn quick with a sword (he can take out three men before they’ve even noticed that they’ve been slashed to ribbons), he’s confident with the ladies (when Carla says that she’ll travel with him if he’ll have her, he quickly and smoothly replies, “Oh, I’ll have you"), he sounds suspiciously as if his voice has been looped by another actor (which it has), and he has a dark past that drives him to rid the world of evil.

One of the clever and refreshing elements of this fun departure from the Hammer norm is its assertion that there are many different species of vampire and thus many varied ways of dispatching them. In this case, it takes a while for Kronos and Co. to figure out how to kill this life-draining breed (the discovery of which takes place during a tragi-comic scene involving an old friend of Kronos’), but before that they have to find out who it is. The movie sets up a number of convincing red herring characters, and the final twists that accompany the revelation of the vampire’s identity are a satisfying pay-off after an enjoyable, atmospheric tale that makes you really grow to like the pot-smoking hero named Kronos.

Yes, that’s right, our vampire hunting friend partakes of mysterious “Chinese herbs,” and pretty often too. Putting the lie to all-those bible-thumping conservatives who scream about pot eroding the minds of youth,
Kronos certainly seems sharp enough - even under the influence - to deal with the deadly creatures who lurk in the shadows. Groovy, man. Of course, Kronos is no stranger to the demon bottle either, but hey, a hero needs some relaxation time too. And with Munro around…well, fill in your own racy joke here.

There’s a comfortable feeling about KRONOS that makes you feel as if it’s already been on for several hours when you first start watching. In fact, watching KRONOS is very much like switching on a TV series in mid-season. There are tantalizing hints about Kronos’ past, but only enough to whet your appetite for future episodes…which of course do not exist. The opening credits even list some actors as “guest stars,” making one wonder what might have been if KRONOS had indeed soldiered on into other movies.

There is also, as with many Hammer horror movies, a somewhat disturbing but fascinating subtext of sexual and gender politics at work. After one roll in the hay - and I mean that literally - Carla touches her bleeding lip and comments, with a hint of a smile no less, that Kronos was “rough” with her. He responds by grabbing her and revealing that upon his return home from war, he discovered that his mother and sister had become vampires. As the embrace intensifies, he yells that he had to drive stakes through both their hearts…and then he’s off with Carla again for another romp. Besides the obvious metaphorical implications, it seems our hero has quite a few issues when it comes to women. But Carla doesn’t seem to mind - it must be love.

Religious iconography abounds as well - at one point, Grost says “What could be more improbable than God? But I believe in him.” - and there’s even a subtle spoken link to Hammer’s lesbian vampire movie series often starring Ingrid Pitt. All in all, this is a fun romp that mixes some by-then tried and true Hammer motifs with the more whimsical style of a comic book adventure. By the way, look for bald and eyebrow-less John Hollis as the bartender. Genre film fans may remember him as Lobot, Lando Calrissian’s right-hand man in THE EMPIRE STRIKES BACK, while DOCTOR WHO aficionados will recognize him as Dr. Sondergard from the Jon Pertwee era story, “The Mutants.” And don’t forget the ol’ “toad in a hole” trick!

DVD Extras: There’s a nice commentary provided by writer/director/producer Brian Clemens, Munro and genre historian (?) Jonathan Southcott. So who’s the odd man out here?

ATB