PART THE SECOND: More of the Breast of Russ

CHERRY, HARRY & RAQUEL (1969) stars the great Charles Napier as Harry, a crooked cop living in a desert community. Harry is ordered by a corrupt town official to kill off their competition in the local drug trafficking trade - a person known as Apache. Harry beds town nympho Cherry (Linda Ashton), Cherry beds everyone including Harry’s girlfriend Raquel (the sensuous Larissa Ely), and the Apache starts to rack up a body count. It all ends in a hyper-bloody gun battle between Harry and the Apache intercut with Cherry and Raquel smoking pot and getting it on.

The color photography is crisp and colorful, and Meyer’s direction keeps the action going. In this film, we start to see Meyer’s developing trend of interjecting random scenes of nudity into the narrative - a nod to the French New Wave taken to excess. The script written by Meyer and The Electric Kool Aid Acid Test author Tom Wolfe is a series of erotic vignettes loosely joined by the plot thread of Harry trying to kill the Apache and Cherry trying to bed Raquel. Watching the film, one questions Wolfe’s involvement in the screenwriting process. Considering that the movie starts and ends with a Wolfesque essay on America and marijuana, it’s not hard to believe that Meyer wrote the film and had Wolfe write one of his famous essays to act as a prologue and epilogue. Overall the film is interesting, but it’s too disjointed to be completely compelling. Best as a rental.

BEYOND THE VALLEY OF THE DOLLS (1970) is Meyer’s first studio film, in this case for 20th Century Fox. Three girls form a band and become corrupted by the sleaze that is the music industry. Boyfriends are jilted, boyfriends jilt, all the band members get married, and a character representing the Devil Incarnate turns out to be a woman. The film, written by film critic Roger Ebert and Meyer, has practically all the characters talking in a hipster lingo that screams ‘pretentious.’ It also continues Meyer’s fascination with interjecting random scenes of nudity and action into the narrative, and begins the film with its ending. It would be a wreck if it weren’t so obviously over the top. Meyer’s cinematography is excellent and his direction and editing are tight. As an unexpected bonus the music is great - when is the soundtrack going to be available again? - if a bit cheesy, and the Strawberry Alarm Clock of “Incense & Peppermint” fame show up and don’t suck. Damn fun, and you must own it if for nothing else than to give people a new perspective on the fat guy from EBERT & ROEPER.

BLACKSNAKE (1973), like COMMON LAW CABIN, is another Meyer dog. The film concerns the antics of one Lady Susan (the chesty Anouska Hempel), who is treating her black workers like cattle. Enter Walker (THE BEYOND’s own David Warbeck), who travels to Lady Susan’s domain to find out what happened to his brother (played by Mr. Darth Vader, David Prowse). Walker becomes enraged by Lady Susan’s brutal actions towards her workers - which include crucifying them - and by becoming outspoken, finds himself in Susan’s ill graces. The tension between Susan and her workers mounts, and a violent uprising occurs.

If excellent cinematography and some great acting (primarily from Warbeck) make a film, then BLACKSNAKE would be a winner. Alas, the script by Meyer, Leonard Neubauer, and James Ryan instead becomes such a mess of period and contemporary lingo that the viewer is unable to place themselves in the proper time period. The film also plays out so sluggishly that even though the actions would look good on paper, Meyer manages to make them leaden on screen. In spite of a lovely letterboxed print being available, you should steer clear of this muddled mess.

UP! Is Meyer at his best, a stunning over-the-top spectacle filled with buxom babes and bloody chainsaw fights. The plot, if you care to call it that, is punctuated by a character called The Greek Chorus (a very naked and gyrating Kitten Natividad). The movie starts with an aged Adolph Hitler fooling around with a few girls before going the other way down the street. This is interspersed with a few vignettes of other central characters getting their groove on before the action takes a breather and Hitler is castrated by a piranha fish. Then Margo Winchester (Raven De La Croix) shows up and you don’t care about anything else. A top-heavy vixen with a hatred for being dressed, there is no need for plot once she starts prancing around. Hell, even her obnoxious Mae West shtick doesn’t grate as long as she’s nekkid - which is every four and a half seconds.

A screenwriting reunion between Meyer (writing as B. Callum) and Roger Ebert (credited as Reinhold Timme) is a good thing since UP! has so much more of the excesses that made BEYOND THE VALLEY OF THE DOLLS so damn watchable. In fact, UP! is the better entertainment vehicle, because Meyer doesn’t try to get serious. He’s just out to show the boys in the band a good ol’ time, and he does. This is vintage sleaze with no hardcore crap to deaden its erotic appeal. This movie belongs in every household’s video cabinet. After all, who could hate a movie where Raven De La Croix is constantly nekkid? Certainly not your mom.

Now that you’ve had a cursory look at a few of Meyer’s pictures, it’s time to go out and get your own copies. Display them prominently in your house. When you start bringing the dolls home, they will ask you about them. When they realize just what they are, you’ll be seen as the sophisticated man they’ve always wanted as a love partner. So go out and start collecting. And remember: Jesus and TRASHMASTERS love you.

AH

PART THE FIRST: Getting to First Base

It’s June and you’ve just graduated from Brigham Young University. Now you’ve decided it’s time to make your mark in life, and the first step is to put on an after-college front. You want to present it to the general populace that you are a man of the world - a sophisticated gentleman, yet one with a devil-may-care attitude. You decide to go retro.

Yet the tell tale signs of youth will still be there. When you’re not distributing books door to door in your pressed white shirt with solid black tie and clean, unblemished khakis, you’re at-home style will betray a naive young man. Sure, you’ll drink Martinis, but you’ll pour them into a paper cup. You’ll smoke Doral’s. Penthouse is your magazine of choice, and for your late-night viewing pleasure, your trusty well-worn six-hour sex video will always be waiting in the machine. Worst of all, to you the ultimate in swing will be Brian Setzer’s cover of “Jump, Jive and Wail.”

Yet youth is filled with missteps, and what are mistakes if not building blocks towards the right path? A few tweaks here and there may be all you need - or maybe you should just get in the dumpster now. But TRASHMASTERS is here to help. TRASHMASTERS wants to set you straight. TRASHMASTERS knows the path to enlightenment.

First, dump that Penthouse subscription on your mom - its yellow-stained pages are best suited to her tastes - and replace it with vintage ’60s Playboys. The reason is simple - suggestion is the mark of sophistication. Don’t think pink when it comes to your porn - that’s crass, and crassness is the mark of the doomed.

Next, smash that Brian Setzer CD in half. Replace it with Louis Prima, add a dash of Dean Martin, a pinch of Sammy Davis Jr., and a smidgen of Bobby Darin - your smoothness factor will increase tenfold. Now replace your Doral’s with Benson & Hedges Menthol - nothing spells class more than Benson & Hedges Menthol - and pour that martini into a chilled long stem glass. And don’t forget your olive.

Last, with the three hundred dollars you get from selling your video to a 12-year-old, start collecting the films of softcore pioneer Russ Meyer - a king of violence-laced, big breast-boasting cinematic excursions. The only question is where to get them. Fortunately, TRASHMASTERS has taken time out of its busy day to screen eight classics of this celebrated genius of the screen so as to relieve you of the burden of finding things out for yourself.

LORNA (1964) is the first film in what many critics consider Meyer’s golden age - a period that comprises four films: LORNA, MUDHONEY, MOTORPSYCHO, and best of all, FASTER PUSSYCAT! KILL! KILL! Allegedly, LORNA is the first film in which Meyer combined titillation with violence, a tactic that defined the majority of his subsequent work. Lorna (Lorna Maitland) is a housewife who longs for some good old-fashioned brutal sex. Her husband - a loving, gentle individual - doesn’t give her the goods, and she’s afraid to suggest it to him. Enter the escaped inmate who brutally attacks and rapes Lorna. Lorna responds by falling madly in love with him (?!), pleasing feminist viewers everywhere. Complications arise and tragedy results.

Meyer’s handling of the black and white cinematography is some of the best I’ve ever seen in a low budget film. The story by Meyer and James Griffith pretends to be a morality play - a feeble excuse to show plenty of T&A - and is overall fairly rote, but a few intriguing moments are to be found enhanced by Meyer’s tight direction and good eye for visuals. A fun watch overall, but you don’t need to own it.

MOTORPSYCHO (1965) stars Alex Rocco as Corey Maddox, a gentle veterinarian driven to action by a gang of, well, Motorpsychos. The two-wheeled hooligans rape Maddox’s wife, and in his pursuit of them, he runs into sensuous Ruby Bonner (Haji), whose husband was yet another victim of this youthful menace. The crazed cyclists get stranded in the desert, and a series of events transpire in which each one of the punks meet their expected demise.

Meyer’s direction and black and white cinematography are put to good use here, as MOTORPSYCHO proves to be a lightweight if enjoyable romp. But know this - the Meyer/James Griffith/Hal Hopper/W.E. Sprague script has one thing that puts this film in the must-own pile, and that’s the greatest snake poison removal scene in history. If you see only one snake poison removal scene in your life, make sure it’s the one in MOTORPSYCHO.

FASTER PUSSYCAT! KILL! KILL! (1965) is without a doubt the greatest thing Meyer ever brought to the screen. Here we have three exotic amazons who go on a spree of terror, wreaking havoc everywhere they go. First they kill this bird’s boyfriend and then kidnap her. Next they wind up on a farm run by a crippled farmer/misogynist and his two boys - one dumb and big, one smart and kind. The tension mounts and the action is non-stop. Add to the mix all the hard-boiled dialogue you can carry and you’ve got a winner.

As usual, Meyer handles his camera with care - stunning black and white cinematography (again) - and his direction keeps the action tight. Meyer’s and Jack Moran’s script has the proper balance of bloodshed, wit and cars breaking big boys’ spines. Buy this movie on sight.

COMMON LAW CABIN (1967) is Meyer treading water. Four people running a sham resort get some unexpected tension with the arrival of three potential suckers. One, the husband, who is betrayed by his wife (two), and another (three), a crooked cop who loses his cool and starts to wreak havoc. Unfaithful wives and lovers play a big role, but the only real thing of note is a deliciously wicked incest subplot involving the resort owner and his voluptuous daughter.

The available print of this film is pretty washed out. Meyer’s color photography isn’t very engaging, and he directs like a man filming by the numbers. The script by Meyer, Jack Moran and John E. Moran tries to be hard-edged but just lies flat. It’s best to avoid this, unless you’re into dads lusting after their kids.

NEXT TIME: More of the Breast of Russ

AH